The Royal Wedding Cheat Sheet: A Run-Down of the Big Day

The royal wedding elicits glamorous traditions, insatiable media attention, great nostalgia -- and, of course, our undivided curiosity. There have been Pizza Hut emblems of the couple (pies with their faces montaged with different ingredients,) honorary postcards, video games, dolls, ceramics -- even a rumored sex toy -- tributing the couple. But what do we really want to know? The play-by-play schedule of the wedding day, of course! So to relieve you of the strenuous effort of raking through the hodgepodge of wedding day rumors, here is a Cliff Notes version of the day's events. Enjoy the royal treatment!

The Location: Westminster Abbey
The church of St. Peter has been the venue for royal milestones since the 11th Century. Prince William and Kate Middleton's ceremony will begin at 11 AM, but guests are expected to arrive as early as 8:15 AM. Westminster Abbey has just released an iPhone app, so all of us lay people can get a 3D tour of the venue. Yep, that happened.

The Flowers: Gardenias, Delphiniums, Lilies of the Valley, and Roses
Three florists are designing Kate's arrangements of gardenias, lily of the valley, delphiniums and roses -- at the bride-to-be's request. Per tradition, a sprig of myrtle from the original bush in Queen Victoria's wedding bouquet will be in Kate's bunch. Westminster Abbey will also be scattered with white and fragrant home grown blooms. The floral arrangements will remain on display in Westminster Abbey the next day so that tourists can view -- and even take pics -- with the royal petals. How thoughtful -- and economical!

Another interesting fact: There will be no bouquet toss at this classy fete. During the ceremony, Kate will instead be laying her flowers at the Tomb of the Unknown Warrior, a grave marker on the church floor commemorating anonymous soldiers. 

       

The Cake: Fruitcake with an Elegant Twist
Kate and Prince William have opted for a traditional sweet choice: fruitcake. But of course theirs will have some seriously luxurious trimmings. Read: multiple leaf-and-flower encrusted tiers -- decorated with the English rose, Scottish thistle, Welsh daffodil, and Irish shamrock, respectively. Each layer will be enriched with icing and brandy and the decadent cake will be topped off with the couple's new cipher. 
Acclaimed chef Fiona Cairns, who has been honored as the chosen pastry chef, has said about working with Kate: "She has guided us right from the beginning and has quite strong ideas. That makes it much easier than a bride who has absolutely no idea whatsoever, which has happened in the past." 
Kate has also asked Cairns to hand-craft 16 different blooms of pastry flowers for the cake, each with its own symbol: the bridal rose for happiness, the oak and acorn for strength and endurance, a lily of the valley for sweetness and humility, and ivy leaves which symbolize marriage. 

An Extra Treat: Chocolate Cake With Biscuits
Per the request of sweet tooth-ed Prince William, a chocolate cookie cake made from McVitie's biscuits (his favorite) will be served. Apparently 1,700 McVitie's Rich Tea biscuits will be used. No small feat!

The Dress: 
The design -- and designer -- has been kept undisclosed, but insiders say the gown will be modest with little skin showing. Victoria Beckham was gunning to be the future queen's designer, but we have a feeling she went with something more...normal? British fashion designer Bruce Oldfield predicted that Kate will wear two dresses: a conservative one for the the aisle and a more daring one for the party. 

The Transportation: 1902 Open Carriage
Kate will be the first royal member since 1962 to nix arriving by horse-drawn carriage. Instead, she's slated to arrive in a Rolls Royce, but the Prince and Princess will make a graceful exit in the 1902 State Landau carriage that Princess Diana and Prince Charles drove away in on their wedding day. 

The Ring: Simple Band of Gold Mined from Welsh Mountains
The royal couple has decided that Prince William will not wear a ring. Kate will be given a special heirloom, though. (Shocking!)Queen Elizabeth has gifted Prince William with a small nugget of gold mined from the Welsh mountains -- a rarity -- and a craftsman has transformed it into a simple gold ring.  
 

Honeymoon Plans: Necker Islands, British Virgin Islands

Not too shabby for a post-wedding vacay. Prince William and Kate will be indulged for two weeks at the luxurious Necker Island. They'll have the paradise all to themselves -- a wedding gift from the island's owner, Richard Branson. The island also comes with his private jet. Ah, sigh.

The Guest List: Royal Family, Celebrity Pals, a Football Club Chairman, and the Couple's Exes! 

The royal wedding, with an expected 1,900 guests, is the most extravagant, coveted event this century (so far!,) and a few celebrities received the honor of an invite, including David Beckham and wife Victoria Beckham, Guy Ritchie, Elton John...and some exes, including Middleton's former beau Rupert Finch.

Reception: Appetizers, Champagne & Cake at Buckingham Palace
The 1,900-person guest list will dwindle down to about 650 for an afternoon affair at Buckingham Palace, hosted by Queen Elizabeth. According to the New York Times, the 21 chefs will stick to two-bite appetizers because the kitchen is only equipped to serve 150 and of course "should a guest need to put one away in order to greet a passing dignitary." But the two-bite hors d'oeuvres won't lack in decadence. On the menu? Yorkshire puddings with roast beef and horseradish cream, bubble-and-squeak confit with lamb shoulder, smoked salmon, herbed crèpes and Cornish pasties.

Prince Charles will then host 300 guests for a 3-course dinner catered by London restaurateur Anton Mosimann, which will end with a lemon cake chosen by Kate. 

If this wedding affair sounds like a TV spectacle you want to lose sleep over, feel free to watch it live on April 29th at 1 AM PT/4 AM ET on pretty much any network.

Posted in: Celebrity News